Friday, October 22, 2010

Honestly.



What a safe, lovely place this has become.

A community.

I cried when I read all your comments. I’m tearing up again now just thinking about them. Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage me. Thank you for allowing me the freedom to be real.

There have been times when I’ve felt like a “second class citizen” in the community of faith. When I was younger, it was hard for me to stop comparing myself to others who seemed to have it all together spiritually. Those who didn’t seem to struggle with doubt and despair and vacillation and inconsistency as I did. Those who were always “Great!!!” no matter what was going on.

I grew up in an era and place where there was a lot of pretending. I’ve never been good at that. I’ve never seen the point.

Nobody’s really “Great!!!” all the time. We all have faults and fears and trials and tears. I think we owe it to each other to be honest. I think we owe it to God. He can handle it. The one thing that really annoys Him is hypocrisy. But He forgives even that the second we acknowledge it.

I promise I didn’t write the last post just so you would send some encouragement my way. Although I’ll freely admit to being an affirmation junky, I wrote it because I couldn’t write anything else. It’s what came out on the page. But your encouraging words were a sweet gift. They reminded me to share some of my own with people who need to hear them. Thank you.

The reality is that, for many of us, faith is a daily battle. It is not static; it is a vibrant, living, growing thing. We might have the faith to move mountains one day, and be hiding in a cave nursing our wounds the next. We make it harder than it has to be. But we do grow up eventually, in spite of all the ups and downs and backwards/forwards.

I guess the point of the last post is actually the whole point of Margery.

It’s the most important thing I’ve learned in my life.

In my weakness, is His strength.
In my incompleteness, is His fullness.
In my vacillation, is His faithfulness.
In my insecurity, is His security.
In my failure, is His grace.
In my sin, is His mercy.

I will keep on keeping on.

Thanks for coming with me.

I love you,
Kim

p.s. I'm in a praying kind of mood, if anyone has a need. (Don't forget to visit the prayer lady on the right side of the page.)

5 comments:

Callie said...

if you wouldn't mind praying for my health...this is the time of year when it gets exponentially worse. i am at UGA full-time, so i am very nervous that i will get sick enough that i will have to drop out. i know you've experienced a lot of chronic illness...so you definitely understand how to pray for me!

also, please pray for joy & peace in my life. there's a lot going on that is trying to rob me of both of those things.

thank you!!

p.s. your blogs are my favorite to read...they are always wonderful and inspiring and encouraging! thanks for keeping them up!

Susan said...

Kim,
We ALL need encouragement. I am so glad that you found it from the very ones who have also received encouragement from you and your writing. Your blog is wonderful - I check it every day. I think it is so good simply because you don't pretend.

Kim Arnold said...

Callie,

Believe it or not, you were placed on my heart last week. I have been praying for you ever since.

My health stinks right now, too. I feel awful most of the time. It's a chain reaction.

But we'll make it one day at a time!

Susan, that makes it a double blessing, doesn't it?

So privileged to pray for each other.

Sally Baker said...

Kim,
I'm Sally Baker, the young woman at St. James who had a stroke in April. We met a few weeks ago.

Since you're in the praying mood, I would love some prayers about how to speak about this whole experience of losing a child resulting in the stroke. I've been invited to speak at my first in-service class at St. Mary's in Athens, and I need some direction.

And while you're at it, throw in some healing and for an adopted baby in God's timing too, ok?

Sometimes I wonder if God provides for me because I just don't LET HIM BE. Much like a small child begging incessantly for a toy/cupcake/piggyback ride, I don't give up.

Thank you for writing so honestly and without abandon. It's refreshing.

Kim Arnold said...

Sally,

I am praying for you, and will continue to do so. You, like Katherine, have been entrusted with some very deep, hard lessons at an early age. I pray that your suffering will be used for much good.

I love how relentless you are! Like Jacob wrestling with the angel..."I will not let you go until you bless me!"