Tuesday, November 15, 2011


“Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, 
and our hearts are restless 
until they find their rest in thee..”
(from the confessions of Saint Augustine)

I’ve had an unsettled feeling lately. It’s almost anxiety, but not full-blown.


I feel like I need to be doing more with my life in the time I have left.

The next twenty years will go by in a blur. The older you get, the faster it goes.

Anything’s possible, but I have a feeling that it would take a miracle in order for me to be a productive, vital 80-year-old. The genetic load I have to carry is pretty heavy.

(At least I believe in miracles.)

But the clock keeps ticking.

And I keep thinking.

Squirrels run around up there.

This morning, I was trying to get some stuff done around the house before I settled down for a quiet time.

It was no use. The “unsettled” feeling became too uncomfortable to bear.

I headed back upstairs to the “prayer chair.”*


I started out with a pretend prayer, where I just close my eyes and argue with myself. Providing both question and answer. Of course, that never gets me anywhere. Then I start asking for help in stilling myself and my racing thoughts.

“Help me hear Your voice, not just my own echoed back to me,” I pray.

Nothing happens. Mentally twiddling thumbs.

Be still.

“I’m trying,” I pray.

Too hard.

Deep breathing.

Exhale self, inhale Spirit.

There is no rush here. There’s nothing more important.

Finally, I feel some peace. I start over again, calmly laying out my prayer needs. As I pray for others, I feel my shoulders loosening up.

I sense that I am heard, and that my prayers are being answered.

Then I get back to what’s wrong with me.

“Lord, I don’t know what’s going on. I feel on the brink of something, but I don’t know what. I feel you calling me to a new place, but I don’t know where. And I don’t know what I might have to give up in order to get there. But I do know there’s stuff I need to get out of my life.

I’ve already got more on my plate than I can handle, but I want to do something more.

I want to serve.

Time is running out!

Immediately, the answer hits me right between the eyes:

“I have all the time in the world.”

And then we started laughing.

I got this sense that God was merry. That His eyes were twinkling like stars.

As if He were saying something like, “Oh my darling, silly girl…”

He created time. He created the world. He created me.

He owns all three.

We are all in His hands.

And there is a plan.


“This is what the Lord says: “At just the right time, I will respond to you…” (Isaiah 49:8)

Remember the things I have done in the past.
For I alone am God!
I am God, and there is none like me.
Only I can tell you the future
before it even happens.
Everything I plan will come to pass,
for I do whatever I wish…
I have said what I would do,
and I will do it.
(Isaiah 46:9-11)

God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth. Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. (Ephesians 1:9-11)

(All scriptures from the NLT translation.)


Does anyone else struggle with restlessness?


Anonymous said...

Oooooh, yes! I do so wrestle with restlessness. I am in the three- score-plus age bracket now, and I, too, feel time passing so quickly and want to do MORE. My energy is waning (not without many valid reasons),but I know it is greater now than it will be at any time in the future. I pray for energy and focus to make the most of fleeting time.
Thanks again for emailing me the two posts I wanted to share with our critically ill friend several weeks ago. He was healed in Heaven a couple of weeks later. I hope he was able to appreciate those beautiful expressions of yours. You are so gifted in expressing what we all (at least I) feel..you make me feel normal. Kim, you are the, "Real Deal!"

Thanks, and many blessings.


Kim said...


If I can help one person to feel 'normal," then it's all worth it!!

Thank you for this encouragement... it helps me feel a little more normal to know I'm not alone.


Anonymous said...

My father died October 1, leaving me now parent-less at age 52. Since the day I left the grave of my Dad I have felt this same restlessness. I was reading my Bible this morning, and wondering what now,Lord- what now? I thought about Margery and wondered what she was up to and lo, my own heart right in front of me... my own feeling of wanting to do whatever it is the Lord has for me, not wanting to miss it. I too, have a full plate, raising 2 teens ( 13 and 14) as a single parent, widowed 10 years ago. Trying to feel secure alone in this world without a mate. I'm content, healthy, and blessed- very thankful. But I wonder, I wait, I am listening for something too, something bigger. I hope we will hear it. : ) or at least understand it when it comes, even if it's small.

psbookteacher said...

You must have been inside my head & my heart! This "issue" comes up for me also especially since I have retired. Fortunately I have been led to follow the practice of centering prayer & this has been such a gift. Also the gift of experience helps because I can look back & see that the Lord has provided the times for me to be still or to be moving. Thank you for continuing to share your life! Your writing is definitely your gift from the Lord!
Have a God day! Pat

VirginiaA said...

I cant add anything better than the comments already posted; I feel EXACTLY the same way. I want to serve, to do more. I feel like my job isn't what I am supposed to be doing but I believe I was put in if for a reason and when God wants me elsewhere it will happen....Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your thoughts-what a gift you have.

Peggy Dabbs said...

Oh so true! I see from the previous posts that I am not alone! I think that we keep "trying to catch up" the older that we get, and feel that we might not make it. I also think that when we are in a situation that is not of our making or "plans", we feel trapped - even though we know that God wants us here doing this now!

I know that God has His own timing and knows me better that I do. I'm learning to "rest in Him". Kim, I'm sure that He call me a "silly girl" also!

Wishing you and your family a Blessed Thanksgiving.


Anonymous said...

Oh! When you described God as MERRY! hahaha! sometimes i feel him laughing over me.