Monday, September 27, 2010

The Whole Story

Long-time readers have probably figured out by now that I use humor as a coping mechanism to deal with sadness.

It’s not the main coping mechanism.

(Prayer is.)

But the ability to exercise the laugh muscles in the face of paralyzing fear and despair seems a bit like spitting in the Devil’s face. You will not prevail. Joy will come, in spite of you. We refuse to become your captives.

The last two posts were attempts to find a little levity… lightness… in the dark cloud of heavy despondency.

But the sadness is still there, a subterranean river of raw wounds. Questions. Anxieties. Aches. Loss.

“What if’s…” “Why’s?”

Katherine told me not to read her latest entry yesterday, as I was already feeling down. So I saved it for this morning.

If you haven’t read it, it’s here.


I’m glad that I'd spent some employing my main coping mechanism before I read it. Her words made me cry.

But I am so grateful that my persistent Pollyanna can get some of this heartache out. Her bravery and faith are momentous… awe-inspiring. Nevertheless, her precious mother’s heart is broken each and every day in a thousand different ways.

This whole story is a mixture of hope and despair, joy and anguish, the miraculous and the mundane.

Today’s looking pretty grim.

But I am going to look really hard for something to smile about.

I know it’s there somewhere.


6 comments:

Susan said...

Kim,
I don't know you and I don't know Katherine. It only feels like I do. I do, however, know pain, fear, despair, sadness when I hear (read) it. It comes through in every word of both yours and Katherine's posts. So, I will continue to pray, pray, pray for you, Katherine, and your family. It is all I can do. Please, God, let it be enough. Those of us on this end of things feel very helpless, too.

Laurel said...

Pain makes you sad, even if there weren't any other reasons. I hate that this has been so painful physically because that drains all your energy, even spiritual.

If you want a giggle, check out my post from today. I think you will like it, especially considering Katherine's background. She might get a chuckle, too.

Kim Arnold said...

Susan, thank you for the love and prayers! We appreciate them more than you know.

Laurel, thank you for the laugh! (I hoped for a smile, but got a GUFFAW.)

God is good.

If anyone else needs a laugh today, go to Laurel's post at:

http://unhingedseriously.blogspot.com/2010/09/adventures-of-part-time-never-was.html

Laurel said...

I live to serve.

Anonymous said...

please tell katherine that my 10 month old twins (one of them named Rachel Katherine! the other is Charlotte Hope) had a commercial audition last week.
they did horrible. no smiles, lots of crying, especially Rachel Katherine, she was a MESS!!!
i'd forgotten about it. just found out we got a call back tomorrow. the agent said they thought Rachel Katherine was BEAUTIFUL!
GOD IS IN CHARGE NOT US. Whether we get the parts or not, we are gonna nail that audition in honor of Katharine. love, michelle

Anonymous said...

I love your honest entries, whether sandwiched in between humor or not.
We need to be honest enough to be real. Thank you for being real!